5 Best Phrases to Use (and Avoid) In Talking About Your Child’s Needs with Teachers
Does this happen to you?
When a teacher’s email lands at the top of your inbox, your heart skips a beat. Then your brain starts spinning with all the possibilities. What went wrong this time? What’s your kid done to warrant the teacher emailing? It’s anxiety producing to say the least.
I’ve been there and it’s no fun. But how you respond to these messages makes a difference. So I’ve gathered together my top 5 tried and true phrases to use to have these sometimes-difficult conversations with teachers. Not only have I used them successfully again and again over the years, but so have my clients. But before we talk about the how, let’s first talk about the why…
Why is it important to communicate with your child’s teachers?
My heavy hitting answer is that your child’s success at school is contingent upon you developing a strong relationship with their teacher. Don’t let that intimidate you. It doesn’t have to be hard, honestly. It’s also true that working WITH and not AGAINST your child’s teacher makes a huge difference. Positivity, collaboration, and mutual respect are key to relationships that benefit you as a parent, as well as the teacher. You can learn from one another but not if you have an adversarial relationship.
When discussing your child’s needs with teachers, it’s essential to focus on finding solutions rather than dwelling on challenges. By exploring possibilities and potential accommodations, you can work together to create a more supportive and inclusive learning environment.
5 phrases to use (and those to avoid) when working with teachers
These phrases are designed to do all the things I encourage my clients to do in every parent/teacher interaction.
How can I partner with you to support [your child]’s learning?
This is a great, productive starting point. Asking for the teacher’s ideas shows that you really want to listen and that you put collaboration first. It sets the tone.
What NOT to say: “You need to do X, Y, or Z for my child!”
How would you feel if someone came to a meeting and started by demanding something from you? Probably not great. Teachers get a lot of demands from parents that are unreasonable or unsupportive. Let’s start our relationship on a better footing.
2. What have you observed happening in the classroom with [child’s name]?
Let’s face it, parents aren’t in the classroom. So you likely don’t have a full picture of what’s happening there. Not only does this allow the teacher to share their insights and expertise, but it gives you a critical look into whatever challenges your child is facing in the class.
What NOT to say: “You aren’t helping [child’s name] enough.”
Putting the teacher on the defensive from the start will not help you move to strategies that work. It will only make them think you only want to blame them and no one wants to feel blamed.
3. Here’s what works well at home—would something similar help at school?
Sharing your insights from home can be a huge help to the teacher. Because just like you don’t know what’s happening in the classroom, they don’t know what’s happening at home. Are you seeing the same challenges? Have you tried some strategies that have worked well? Trying things that work in another setting keeps you from starting from scratch. Why not build on the success you’re already seeing?!
What NOT to say: “You know nothing about my child.”
The main aim here is teamwork. Do not alienate your child’s teacher by making unnecessary sweeping statements and go into confrontation mode. Keep your cool at all times, be prudent about saying negatively impacting words.
4. When can we check in again to see if these strategies are working or to try some new things?
Follow up is so essential to making sure things move forward with support strategies. Teachers and school staff are super busy so don’t leave follow-up to chance. Always ask the teacher what’s a reasonable and realistic timeline to chat again.
What NOT to say: “I’ll just wait and see if things get better.“
Don’t miss the school support boat and stall. Your child deserves all the assistance they need to make school as successful as possible. Waiting often doesn’t accomplish that, instead, it kicks the problem further down the educational road. If you’ve already started this cooperation, keep it going and soon you’ll see real results for your child.
5. What’s the best way to communicate with you?
Because teachers are so busy and their schedules are not flexible, it helps a lot if you can make it as easy as possible for them to communicate. Asking what works best for them shows respect for their workload and schedule, but also increases the chances you’ll get the responses you need. If this teacher prefers emails over phone calls, or after school meetings versus before school, try your best to be the flexible and accommodating one.
What NOT to say: “I’ll just email you every time there’s a problem with [child’s name].“
Our goal is not to overwhelm! If it’s not a serious issue or something that needs immediate attention, think twice about sending an email. Or consolidate your concerns into fewer emails. Or ask for a meeting to address multiple concerns at once. More isn’t always better.
Parents and teachers working together is the best team of support for your child’s school struggles. The goal is to problem-solve together, share your unique perspectives and insights, and of course help your amazing child overcome their school challenges.
Communicating with teachers about your child’s needs can be daunting but truly rewarding in the end. By using these five phrases, you can facilitate effective communication, build a stronger relationship with the teacher, and get support your child needs to succeed. Remember to approach any conversation with an open mind, a willingness to listen, and a collaborative spirit.
Want even more ideas and tips on building strong school/parent partnerships? Check out my Powerful Partnerships mini-training. It’s a short but packed full of ideas workshop designed to get you rolling on your own strong teacher/parent alliance. Plus it comes with a Collaboration Action Guide you can put to use right away.
