Why do kids who struggle at school need chances to shine?
All kids want to feel successful, don’t they?!
I think it’s true. Last week I was interviewed by Lisa Marker Robbins of the College & Career Clarity podcast. When she asked how ways kids who have a hard time at school can feel successful, I had several ideas. I’m sharing them here with a couple more because this stuff’s important. And I promise to update with a link when the episode airs.
Having a hard time at school - whether it’s academically, socially, or behaviorally - is exhausting for kids. They get a lot of negative feedback. Who wants to spend all of their time feeling like they aren’t good enough, haven’t tried hard enough, or need to do things differently? It’s draining and demoralizing.
Let’s sketch out how it would look for an adult: You go to work everyday but never really feel like you’re doing a good job. Your co-workers make fun of you if you mess up. Your supervisor tells you regularly that you need to try harder or that you need to change how you’re doing things. You never win any awards or get recognized for your hard work. You feel pretty down on yourself and aren’t too happy to have to keep going there every single day.
See how difficult that would be? Sounds pretty depressing to me. Unfortunately, that’s the reality for a lot of students who have difficulties at school. No wonder many of them feel defeated and disengaged. You would too if that were you.
What can we do as parents who want our kids to feel successful? I’ve got some ideas and they aren’t difficult at all! If we set aside the expectations of school, there are a lot of ways for them to have fun and feel good about themselves (even secretly learn some things too).
4 places that kids can shine outside of school:
Jobs. For kids old enough to work, jobs are an amazing way to gain self-esteem and feel accomplishment. They get to earn money, feel the self-satisfaction of a job well done, and learn some things along the way. What teen doesn’t like spending money and the independence that comes from having control over your own money? Mine love it and have learned so much from working. Research backs up the benefits too. For younger kids, maybe that job looks like babysitting or helping a neighbor with yard work. Or what about an old-fashioned lemonade stand? We’re just looking for a sense of accomplishment and a job well done.
Summer camp. I wrote a whole blog post on how summer camp is perfect for these kids who have a hard time in school - so check it out! But short answer, camp allows for fun, exploration, and different ways of learning all while making friends and taking a break from our routines. Those are wins all around.
Volunteering. Helping others is a great way to feel like you and your efforts matter. Research shows that volunteering helps kids not just feel accomplished, but can also boost their mental health too. For older kids, there may be opportunities to volunteer alone, but for younger kids, family volunteering is a fun way to get involved and make a difference in your community. Aside from formal volunteering opportunities, maybe there are informal ways too that your kids can help out in your faith community or assisting a neighbor.
Extra-curricular activities. Every kid deserves a chance to do things they find interesting and that bring them joy. If school isn’t their strength, maybe it’s playing basketball, chess club, participating in a play, drawing anime, or playing the trumpet. The key is just that THEY enjoy it (and not that it’s required or parent-forced - that’s not fun!) and find it meaningful. It doesn’t have to be an organized or structured activity either. Learning to do things for their own enjoyment is a life-skill in my book. So if skateboarding or playing Magic with friends brings them joy, that’s a win too.
I hope these ideas got you thinking about how your own child can find some success outside of school. Do you have any to add to my list? Let me know what works for your kiddo. The more ideas the better and I love hearing stories about kids finding their own places to shine.
