Five Core Shifts To Transform Your Child’s School Experience
It’s finally full fledged Spring here in the Pacific NW. The flowers are blooming everywhere you turn. The tulips have popped with color, the cherry trees are showing off their fluffballs of pink, and suddenly things feel possible again. Spring always reminds me that growth and change are inevitable.
It’s finally full fledged Spring here in the Pacific NW. The flowers are blooming everywhere you turn. The tulips have popped with color, the cherry trees are showing off their fluffballs of pink, and suddenly things feel possible again. Spring always reminds me that growth and change are inevitable.
Families - and their amazing kids - deserve that same sense of possibility at school (and at home too).
Here are the five beliefs that guide every coaching session, workshop, and email I send. They’re compass points of Reframe Parenting, and I’m sharing them here so you know where I’m coming from, but also to give you plenty to consider about your own child’s school journey.
1. The traditional school model wasn’t built for every learner—and its definition of success is far too narrow.
Why it matters:
Grades and test scores capture only a fraction of a child’s capacity, intellect, and potential. When we cling to traditional metrics like grades, we overlook a whole host of other measures like creativity, perseverance, empathy, curiosity—the very skills that fuel long‑term success.
Try this:
Redefine “success” for your child. List three qualities you value more than any letter grade (e.g., problem‑solving, kindness, resilience). Don’t forget to share this with your child’s teacher.
Share the bigger picture. Let teachers know the strengths you see at home so they can spot and nurture them at school.
2. Parents can’t support what they don’t understand.
Why it matters:
For parents, stepping into the school world can feel like landing in a foreign country—unfamiliar lingo, puzzling rules, and no handy phrasebook in sight. Knowledge is oxygen for advocacy: the clearer you are on terms, processes, and rights, the more confidently you can act.
Try this:
Ask questions. When unknown jargon pops up, speak up. Ask the teacher to explain what it means in plain language—or look it up later (Google can be helpful for this!).
You can also ask: What kinds of support are available? and What happens next? Simple questions can open big doors.
Tap your community. Other parents are a gold mine of lived experience when it comes to school challenges. A quick “Has anyone navigated XY or Z?” in a local Facebook group can connect you to others who can provide ideas or tips.
3. No one can help a child thrive without a clear picture of what they actually need.
Why it matters:
You can’t solve a puzzle if you’re missing half the pieces. Generic supports like “extra time” or “preferential seating” might help a little—but they won’t move the needle if they don’t match what your child actually needs. Real progress starts with real insight and information.
Try this:
Watch for patterns. Note when challenges pop up, not just what they look like. Make note of what happens before the challenge. Patterns point to root causes.
Ask your child. You might be surprised at the insight they have about what’s happening. A simple question like “Why do you think you’re having this challenge?” can unlock new information and ideas.
4. What looks like defiance or laziness is usually a child sending a message—my job is to help parents decode it, not discipline it away.
Why it matters:
Behavior is communication. A head on the desk might be “I’m utterly lost,” not “I don’t care.” The homework forgotten in the depths of the backpack might be “I can’t remember to turn in my work” not “I don’t care about my grades”. When we treat every flare‑up as willful misbehavior, we miss the SOS underneath.
Try this:
Shift from “Why won’t you…?” to “What’s getting in the way?” That one language change invites problem solving instead of power struggles.
Think about what’s hiding underneath. Look beyond the behavior itself to what might be lurking under it. Do they need more tools or information? Are they lacking specific skills to manage a situation?
5. Reframing how we see our kids—especially when they’re having a hard time—opens doors to ideas, conversations, and opportunities rather than slamming them shut with judgment.
Why it matters:
A label like “lazy” ends the discussion. A lens like “overwhelmed” starts it. Reframing doesn’t sugarcoat reality; it widens it, giving us room to brainstorm solutions (at home and at school) instead of blaming or assuming bad intent.
Try this:
Picture your child as a team member, not an opponent. Ask, “What’s getting in the way right now?” instead of “Why are you acting like this?” Reframing turns the problem into something you can tackle together—not something your child is.
Hit pause when you catch yourself labeling the behavior (“stubborn,” “lazy,” “dramatic”), and swap it with a possible underlying emotion or challenge: “tired,” “overwhelmed,” “stuck.” That tiny shift changes how you respond—and invites more empathy and creativity.
Reframing how we see our kids—and how we show up for them at school—takes practice, not perfection.These five shifts are small on paper but powerful in real life. Each one opens the door a little wider to connection, understanding, and meaningful progress. Take one - or a couple - and give them a try.
Head over to the Reframe Parenting blog for even more tools, insights, and use-now information.
If you're ready for more personalized support and want a guide by your side as you navigate school challenges, I’m here to help. Reach out to learn more about 1:1 coaching—we’ll dig into what’s really happening, clarify what your child needs, and map out clear, doable steps—so you can move forward with confidence.
