Feeling overwhelmed as a parent? You’re not alone
I was participating in an online training yesterday. The speaker was someone I respect who often gives useful, practical, information and guidance. So I tend to listen when she gives suggestions and ideas. Someone else made a comment that they felt overwhelmed. I may or may not have shouted a loud YES! at the screen. There was a lot to learn and do and it wasn’t easy, so yeah, it was overwhelming.
Here’s where I was surprised. The speaker repeated advice from one of her own mentors:
“I don’t do overwhelm!”
You’re only overwhelmed if you allow yourself to be overwhelmed. If you don’t allow yourself to be overwhelmed, it won’t happen. Merely troubleshoot your way out of the overwhelm. Simple, right?! Positive mindset, bootstaps, and all that jazz.
I’ve been tossing this one around in my brain since then thinking about why it doesn’t sit well. As a parent, things can be overwhelming. Does just proclaiming that we won’t allow ourselves to be overwhelmed really work? Not always.
Maybe there are times you can buckle down, problem-solve, and get out of the overwhelmed place? If only it were that easy all the time as a parent! Especially if you have a child who struggles, wishing away the problems or doubling down on positive-messaging doesn’t usually help. We can’t always will or work ourselves out of a tricky spot with our kids.
Don’t get me started on bubble baths. Love them, but they aren’t a long-term solution for much more than pruney fingers.
I used to think that if I, as a parent, researched enough, tried hard enough, did all the things, then I could manage all the slippery school & life situations that came up.
Cue the laugh track, ‘cause boy was I wrong.
Our kids are their own people with ideas, preferences, habits, quirks, strengths, and shortcomings. They are complex, and so are we (we’re all humans after all). When you’re kid’s struggling, there’s always another email to send, another appointment to make, another puzzle to solve.
Staying overwhelmed, maybe that’s where we have some wiggle room?
Here’s an exercise to try.
Take a couple minutes and jot down all the stuff that makes you feel overwhelmed right now. Just get it out there. No one’s looking and no one’s judging. Promise.
Look at your list. How many of these things do you honestly have control over right now? Cross off anything that is outside your immediate power.
Not much left? That’s alright.
Just pick one small thing you CAN control and try getting that one off the list.
As for the rest - the not-under-our-influence pieces? There may still be days we feel a little or a lot overwhelmed - that’s part of being human. Some of it might never be controllable. We can practice kindness and compassion for ourselves (therapists can really help with this!) and we can learn to take this parenting gig one day at a time.
