What you don’t know about your disorganized child. What is Executive Functioning anyhow?
When my now-towering teen was little, I used to half-jokingly suggest that he was just like Pigpen from Peanuts. You know, the sweet kid who always had a cloud of dirt following him around, that’s Pigpen.
He’s cute and lovable but always kind of a mess.
My siblings and I loved Peanuts as kids so I’ve always had a special place in my heart for those adorable kids (and I still buy my brother Snoopy presents!). But then I became a parent and had my very own Pigpen – dropping his stuff all over the house as he wandered and leaving a mess in his wake. Ugh!
Why was my kid so messy? Why wasn’t he able to just keep himself organized and clean up without it being a major hassle?
It didn’t seem to get any better as he got a bit older. We tried to manage our frustrations and expectations with reminders, cajoling, picking up after him, and even that little ‘everybody clean up’ song they sang in preschool.
Then he went to school and then there were balled up pieces of homework shoved in the bottom of his backpack and forgotten assignments. Things didn’t seem to be getting any easier and we had no idea what was going on. We hadn’t had those experiences as kids, so it all left us feeling pretty fed-up and out of ideas. It wasn’t until we did some academic testing that we learned what it was: Lagging executive functioning skills.
What is executive functioning?
Understood (one of my favorite places for high quality info BTW!) describes executive functioning as “the management system of the brain. . . because the skills involved let us set goals, plan and get things done.”
Eureka! When I learned about executive functioning, I felt like I’d struck information gold. I knew why my kid was such a Pigpen. He lacked the ability to organize his brain and his body to follow through and keep organized. He wasn’t lazy or unmotivated or just obstinate. This was a major Reframe for me.
Executive functioning is made up of three parts:
Working memory: Being able to keep information in your mind and then use it.
Cognitive flexibility: Being able to think about things in multiple ways.
Inhibitory control: Being able to ignore distractions and temptations
We use our executive functioning ALL THE TIME. Let’s think of an everyday example that many families struggle with.
Getting out the door to go to school.
What things does your child have to do to get ready?
Gather all the things together in one place (homework, permission slips, lunch, gym shoes - so many things!)
Put the things into the backpack
Decide what to eat for breakfast
Prepare breakfast items
Eat breakfast
Put dishes in dishwasher
Remember hygiene like bathroom stop and teeth brushing & follow through on them
Put on shoes and jacket
Grab backpack
That’s a lot of steps - and I’m probably missing a few. Can you see where the inability to stay organized could trip up your child somewhere in there? Oops, forgot their lunch. Oops, forgot to eat breakfast or brush their teeth. These are easy missteps when your brain can’t keep the information and actions top priority.
The good news? Current lags in executive functioning skills do not mean that a child can’t learn strategies, find supports, and build those EF muscles over time. It means they haven’t mastered those skills yet.
I really wish we all talked more about executive functioning - it’s at the heart of all we do as humans. Our brains are fascinating, aren’t they?!
Does not being able to hold information mean your child has ADHD? Not necessarily, though folks with ADHD do struggle with executive functioning. It can be a sign of other learning disabilities, other differences in brain wiring like autism or anxiety or even mental health challenges like depression. There’s a lot to learn about EF and myriad ways we can support our kids (and ourselves if we struggle too!).
We’ll dive into some in future blog posts, promise.
In the meantime, what’s your child’s biggest struggle with executive functioning? Let me know!
