Parenting is no touchdown — 4 small parenting wins + 1 big one
We all want the big parenting wins, right? Touchdowns, home-runs and grand slams. (I may be mixing my sports metaphors but you get the idea). We want to do the one thing that will solve the problems instantly and poof - it’s all better.
Cue the balloon drop and confetti cannon!
No?? Whah, whah.
If you’re like me, life usually gets in the way and things seem to change way too slowly. I’m impatient and sometimes, we really need things to be different, fast. They aren’t called crises for nothin’. I’ve learned that in order to get real change, I have to be more.
Wait, more when we have less to celebrate? Yes, more:
More patient - with ourselves and with our families
More thankful for what we do have
More creative in our problem solving
More gentle with our emotions and our complicated selves
Before you boo me off the stage, hear me out.
When I broke my ankle really badly a couple years ago, it felt like I was literally never going to walk again. Each step (ha - see what I did there?!) in the process was difficult and the progress was so minute that sometimes it felt non-existent. But I had the awful surgery, did the healing work, and endured all the PT exercises even when it felt meaningless - and painful!. I just kept going. I didn’t like it but I had to find that patience, that gentle dedication, and even that thankfulness to get to the other side.
When your kid is struggling, it’s just like this, isn’t it?
We want the magic, the instant fix. But I don’t think it exists. We have to find our own more-ness along this winding, frustrating parenting road. We don’t have to be better versions of ourselves, but we do need to find ways to be just a little more patient, more kind, more loving when it’s hardest to do so.
When your child has trouble at school, more patience is a huge help with those teacher meetings. When your child does something you really wish they hadn’t, more gentleness benefits both of you. When the wins seem small, thankfulness helps you see that maybe you really have made some progress.
I wish I were a genie and could grant you instant gratification.
But all I can offer is my one simple idea on how to find your own more:
Keep going!
In what now seems like a true moment of irony, when I broke my ankle, I was wearing this t-shirt. Now whenever I have something difficult to deal with or confront, I wear it to remind me of my own ability to keep going.
Since you’re here reading this blog, you’re already keeping going! Maybe at the end of a long day, you found your last ounce of patience to deal with another challenging bedtime. Maybe you took a deep breath before responding to another email about your child’s school challenges. Maybe you took some time for yourself when you needed it most.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting we can happy our way out of big, systemic problems. (I’ve got plenty to say about “grit” and “resilience” for kids and how we get them so wrong - but those can wait for another blog post!)
I’m simply saying to get to the big, long-term, sustainable wins - however long they take - we need to keep showing up.
Keep doing that hard parenting work and keep loving those amazing, complicated kids.
PS - Research shows it sets a tremendous example for them too.
PPS - looking for specific tools to help you keep going? You’re in the right place. We’ll keep them coming on the blog.
